2016 has been one for the books. And it's just getting started. These past four months have taken me on a roller coaster of emotional situations. Most have knocked me off my feet, leaving me barely hanging on. But I'm a fighter, and I can't and won't throw in the towel just because I've had a rough time lately. Sure, my life hasn't gone at all the way I've wanted it too, but these experiences have made me a stronger woman. They made me see the good in more things, but they have also helped me not be as blind to the bad in life either. But I'm not perfect. Some days I do just want to give up and sleep the whole day away. Some days I'm so fed up, the only appropriate solution in my mind, is to swear at literally everything. Other days I eat so much, I end up usually feeling worse than before. But.. I've come to realize that it's okay.
It's Okay Not To Have A Boyfriend
If there is one thing that my past, 11 month relationship has taught me is that, you DO NOT want to get into a relationship with the wrong guy. Period. Because honestly, it isn't worth it. Being with the wrong isn't worth the countless hours of screaming and fighting, or all those nights where you cried yourself to sleep. You are so much better than the person you allow yourself to be while you date the wrong person. If there's anything I could change in my life, it would be that I let the man that I fell in love with go while there was still love there. Because the last time I heard his voice, I also heard the words, "but I don't love you anymore", and I shouldn't have let my relationship get to the point where I was fighting to stay with someone who didn't even love me. Because he couldn't appreciate the person that I was and am. I am a girl who WILL cry during a good ole sappy love scene, who will want to kiss in the rain and watch the stars at night while cuddling to stay warm. I am a girl who will eat most of your food after saying that I'm not hungry. I am also a typical hormonal teenage girl who sometimes just needs a day to lay on the couch and eat pizza. And I don't need or want a boyfriend, unless he's willing to love all of me.
It's Okay To Cut People Off
Why would you keep certain people around if they weren't there to help you grow as a person? There comes a point where you need to just grow a pair and start distancing yourself from those who you might just not like. Nobody is forcing you to keep anyone around that you don't want. Sure, you might be seen as a bitch by them or others, but honestly, why let it bother you? I used to let all kinds of little things like that get to me. Anytime I heard a rumor about myself or somebody told me something, it would completely devastate me. But once I stopped and realized that one very simple solution would be to just cut all those people off, things started getting much clearer. I truly only have one friend, my other half, with whom I share everything with. She's the ONLY one in my life who knows everything. So, naturally, she's the only person who is allowed to judge me, and not get any crap for it.
It's Okay To Vent
We're all going to have crappy days. It's part of life. Some peoples crappy days may be crappy weeks or even months. But I've learned that you're an idiot if you try to weather that storm by yourself. I've never been one that likes to share my feelings. I feel like it just bothers others, and that no one actually cares. That was, until I met my mentor and my friend. She was there for me since day one of this journey of high school, and she's going to be there until one of us dies. She has always seen something in me that others don't. She pushes me in ways that others haven't. But above all, she listens to me better than anyone else. I know that I am able to go to her whenever and rant about all of my drama until I feel better. She gives some awesome motherly and sometimes stern feedback. But, she always says what I need to hear. I'll always have my best friend to gossip and cry on, but I also have a forever person to go to when I'm completely lost and need to be steered back into the right direction.
It's Okay Not To Be Okay
I'd be lying if I said that things were fine. Sure, I have revelations here and there about certain matters, but at the end of the day, I still go to bed hurt and confused about most aspects of my life. I still get heartbroken whenever somebody talks to me about my ex, who I am still in love with. I still have my days where I snap at people just because I can. And I still wake up hoping that the past year of my life was just some kind of weird and awful dream that somehow never took place. Even when I know that it isn't true, I still hope. And hope is an evil, evil thing. It lights this fire inside of you that can only seem to be put out by the force of a flood, which completely knocks you off of feet, and sweeps you away with the current. Hope used to be something that I loved to have. Now it's something that I dread about feeling. Why? Because the things you hope for have changed. They aren't as much of a certainty as they once were. When we were little we hoped that Santa would leave us all the best toys under the tree. And it always happened for us because our parents were the ones to make sure that it happened for us. Now, we hope that a stupid boy would notice us and sweep us off our feet or that we would be prom queen and rule the school. Life has a funny way of changing the rules on us. Never once did I ask for my hope to be changed, yet it did.
It's Okay Not To Have A Boyfriend
If there is one thing that my past, 11 month relationship has taught me is that, you DO NOT want to get into a relationship with the wrong guy. Period. Because honestly, it isn't worth it. Being with the wrong isn't worth the countless hours of screaming and fighting, or all those nights where you cried yourself to sleep. You are so much better than the person you allow yourself to be while you date the wrong person. If there's anything I could change in my life, it would be that I let the man that I fell in love with go while there was still love there. Because the last time I heard his voice, I also heard the words, "but I don't love you anymore", and I shouldn't have let my relationship get to the point where I was fighting to stay with someone who didn't even love me. Because he couldn't appreciate the person that I was and am. I am a girl who WILL cry during a good ole sappy love scene, who will want to kiss in the rain and watch the stars at night while cuddling to stay warm. I am a girl who will eat most of your food after saying that I'm not hungry. I am also a typical hormonal teenage girl who sometimes just needs a day to lay on the couch and eat pizza. And I don't need or want a boyfriend, unless he's willing to love all of me.
It's Okay To Cut People Off
Why would you keep certain people around if they weren't there to help you grow as a person? There comes a point where you need to just grow a pair and start distancing yourself from those who you might just not like. Nobody is forcing you to keep anyone around that you don't want. Sure, you might be seen as a bitch by them or others, but honestly, why let it bother you? I used to let all kinds of little things like that get to me. Anytime I heard a rumor about myself or somebody told me something, it would completely devastate me. But once I stopped and realized that one very simple solution would be to just cut all those people off, things started getting much clearer. I truly only have one friend, my other half, with whom I share everything with. She's the ONLY one in my life who knows everything. So, naturally, she's the only person who is allowed to judge me, and not get any crap for it.
It's Okay To Vent
We're all going to have crappy days. It's part of life. Some peoples crappy days may be crappy weeks or even months. But I've learned that you're an idiot if you try to weather that storm by yourself. I've never been one that likes to share my feelings. I feel like it just bothers others, and that no one actually cares. That was, until I met my mentor and my friend. She was there for me since day one of this journey of high school, and she's going to be there until one of us dies. She has always seen something in me that others don't. She pushes me in ways that others haven't. But above all, she listens to me better than anyone else. I know that I am able to go to her whenever and rant about all of my drama until I feel better. She gives some awesome motherly and sometimes stern feedback. But, she always says what I need to hear. I'll always have my best friend to gossip and cry on, but I also have a forever person to go to when I'm completely lost and need to be steered back into the right direction.
It's Okay Not To Be Okay
I'd be lying if I said that things were fine. Sure, I have revelations here and there about certain matters, but at the end of the day, I still go to bed hurt and confused about most aspects of my life. I still get heartbroken whenever somebody talks to me about my ex, who I am still in love with. I still have my days where I snap at people just because I can. And I still wake up hoping that the past year of my life was just some kind of weird and awful dream that somehow never took place. Even when I know that it isn't true, I still hope. And hope is an evil, evil thing. It lights this fire inside of you that can only seem to be put out by the force of a flood, which completely knocks you off of feet, and sweeps you away with the current. Hope used to be something that I loved to have. Now it's something that I dread about feeling. Why? Because the things you hope for have changed. They aren't as much of a certainty as they once were. When we were little we hoped that Santa would leave us all the best toys under the tree. And it always happened for us because our parents were the ones to make sure that it happened for us. Now, we hope that a stupid boy would notice us and sweep us off our feet or that we would be prom queen and rule the school. Life has a funny way of changing the rules on us. Never once did I ask for my hope to be changed, yet it did.
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