Through Her Eyes

I've never been okay with myself. I've never liked what I've seen in the mirror. I've never accepted my body. I've always wondered what it feels like to be skinny, and thin, and wake up in the morning with cute pj's and messy hair, that 'just woke up look' and still have someone think I'm attractive. To have guys look at me and want to be my boyfriend, and have girls jealous of me as I walk past. I wonder what it feels like to feel my hipbones and collarbones, to feel confident in a bikini, to sit down and not feel fat everywhere, or rub out the thighs of all of my pants. I wonder what it's like to look in the mirror and like what I see. I spent most of my time running away from love because I was afraid they wouldn't like what's underneath. But the reason I did this, is because I had no idea what love actually was. I thought love was about red roses and expensive dinners. I thought when two people loved each other, they woul

Turning 18 has caused me to try and slam on my breaks and turn back time. To attempt to get back a childhood I felt left me too early in life. To try and find the version of myself that had this wild flare to her, and this drive and ambition that made her virtually unstoppable. I was recently told that life and heartbreak caused me to go "dark" and it caught me off guard. Regardless of who told me this and where this person ranks on my nice list, I still was upset. I was upset and wondered if this is truly how people see me. Now the people I care most about and know me the best tell me this isn't true- but what about the image I'm putting out to the world? Do I come across as this cold, dark, heartless person? I sit here and ask myself where that spark and passion went. Where did I lose my hopes and dreams to? Because at one point in time I was this amazingly beautiful and brilliant girl who let nothing and nobody hold her back. I looked danger right in the eyes a

18 years. 216 months. 936 weeks. 6750 days. 157680 hours. 9460800 minutes. 567648000 seconds. Life has a funny way of getting away from you really quickly. One minute you're 5 running around a farm chasing barn cats and feeding the goats, and the next minute you're crying over boys and getting ready to pack up everything and move away to college. But the thing I've come to realize is that life didn't change, you  changed. You might fall down, but you need to learn how to stand back up, brush it off, and never let the same thing knock you over twice. 1. People are temporary; So are feelings. It's a part of life. One of the hardest things I've had to learn how to deal with is how to say goodbye to people I didn't want to let go of, and hello to people I was skeptical about letting in. I didn't want to say goodbye because I was happy and content, and even if I wasn't all the time, it's still what I was used to, a

Meeting you was the happiest coincidence of my whole entire life. Our story has been this epic whirlwind love story, set in high speed motion since the day I first laid eyes on you. Meeting you might have been a blissful accident, but getting to know you was a choice. And after getting to see your heart, all the feelings that came from that felt so right. I fell for you for so many different reasons, each one melts my heart more than the last. You see me for me and for whats in my heart. I don't have to hide anything from you or fake it. The reason you like me is for my heart, and honestly, what more could a girl want from a guy?! You have this passion and love for Jesus and it's so contagious. I see the way people respond when you get in front of the room and talk about how great your Savior is. Or how you get up and play your guitar singing to Jesus, and create a truly amazing worship experience for those watching you. You have a gift, my darling. And I hope an