I've never been okay with myself.
I've never liked what I've seen in the mirror.
I've never accepted my body.
I've always wondered what it feels like to be skinny, and thin, and wake up in the morning with cute pj's and messy hair, that 'just woke up look' and still have someone think I'm attractive. To have guys look at me and want to be my boyfriend, and have girls jealous of me as I walk past. I wonder what it feels like to feel my hipbones and collarbones, to feel confident in a bikini, to sit down and not feel fat everywhere, or rub out the thighs of all of my pants. I wonder what it's like to look in the mirror and like what I see.
I spent most of my time running away from love because I was afraid they wouldn't like what's underneath.
But the reason I did this, is because I had no idea what love actually was.
I thought love was about red roses and expensive dinners. I thought when two people loved each other, they would always get married. I thought love was always pretty and romantic. But that's not what love is.
Love is giving up half your fries when the other person said they weren't hungry. Love is waking up at 4am to snoring, and not pushing them off the bed. It's trying to embarrass one another in public, and trying to make the other person laugh. Love is going on adventures and making fun of each other. Love is stumbling through life with your best friend.
And really, what it all comes down to, and what I wasn't understanding, is that if it's real, it's not about what what's underneath your clothes, it goes a little further, down to your heart. If you have a pretty heart, it'll attract the good ones in life, and will make your outside as pretty as your heart.
Because one day, he's going to know all of you, including your heart.
He'll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your zodiac sign, and your parent's names. He'll know how your grandparents passed away, and how old you were when you learned to ride a bike. He'll know how many pets you've had, and all their names. He'll know your eye color, your birth marks, all your freckles, and your laugh lines. He'll know your favorite song, movie, food, color, and book.
One day he's going to know why you're always awake at 4am most nights, where you were when you realized you lost a really good friend, and what went through your head when you experienced your first heartbreak.
He will know your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. He's going to know all about the guy before him, your dream wedding, and the problems with your parents. He'll know your strengths and weaknesses, your laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions.
He'll know about your bad habits, your manners, the way your pout your lips, your facial expressions, and he will know your laugh like it's his favorite song. He will know the way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget, and kiss. He's going to know how you feel without you even having to say a word.
He's going to know all of it.
You, from top to bottom, and inside and out.
From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching.
He's going to know every single thing is to know, and you know what else?
He's going to know your heart, and if it's real, he's still going to love you.
I've never liked what I've seen in the mirror.
I've never accepted my body.
I've always wondered what it feels like to be skinny, and thin, and wake up in the morning with cute pj's and messy hair, that 'just woke up look' and still have someone think I'm attractive. To have guys look at me and want to be my boyfriend, and have girls jealous of me as I walk past. I wonder what it feels like to feel my hipbones and collarbones, to feel confident in a bikini, to sit down and not feel fat everywhere, or rub out the thighs of all of my pants. I wonder what it's like to look in the mirror and like what I see.
I spent most of my time running away from love because I was afraid they wouldn't like what's underneath.
But the reason I did this, is because I had no idea what love actually was.
I thought love was about red roses and expensive dinners. I thought when two people loved each other, they would always get married. I thought love was always pretty and romantic. But that's not what love is.
Love is giving up half your fries when the other person said they weren't hungry. Love is waking up at 4am to snoring, and not pushing them off the bed. It's trying to embarrass one another in public, and trying to make the other person laugh. Love is going on adventures and making fun of each other. Love is stumbling through life with your best friend.
And really, what it all comes down to, and what I wasn't understanding, is that if it's real, it's not about what what's underneath your clothes, it goes a little further, down to your heart. If you have a pretty heart, it'll attract the good ones in life, and will make your outside as pretty as your heart.
Because one day, he's going to know all of you, including your heart.
He'll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your zodiac sign, and your parent's names. He'll know how your grandparents passed away, and how old you were when you learned to ride a bike. He'll know how many pets you've had, and all their names. He'll know your eye color, your birth marks, all your freckles, and your laugh lines. He'll know your favorite song, movie, food, color, and book.
One day he's going to know why you're always awake at 4am most nights, where you were when you realized you lost a really good friend, and what went through your head when you experienced your first heartbreak.
He will know your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. He's going to know all about the guy before him, your dream wedding, and the problems with your parents. He'll know your strengths and weaknesses, your laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions.
He'll know about your bad habits, your manners, the way your pout your lips, your facial expressions, and he will know your laugh like it's his favorite song. He will know the way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget, and kiss. He's going to know how you feel without you even having to say a word.
He's going to know all of it.
You, from top to bottom, and inside and out.
From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching.
He's going to know every single thing is to know, and you know what else?
He's going to know your heart, and if it's real, he's still going to love you.
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