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Why It Makes It So Hard

Anxiety is the beginning stages of relationships.

You struggle normally because you always seem to ruin something before it begins.

It's staying up at night and tossing and turning because you wonder how someone feels.
It's questioning if this is really something or if it is all in your head.

Anxiety is being excited about a date but thinking they're going to cancel last minute.
It's staring at your phone waiting for it to happen.

It's every past relationship on repeat and hoping this one doesn't end the same way.

It's an ending that emotionally destroys you.
It's trying to handle it with grace and dignity but at the same time, you're in tears wondering when things changed, and where you went wrong.

Anxiety tells you, "no, it's not that they were the wrong person, it's that you're flawed and not good enough."
And you look at yourself, fixating on things you wish you could change because that's probably why it didn't work out.

Anxiety is every text.
And you don't want to be the first one to send it.
It's stressing how to word something properly because you care, but don't want to come off too strong.
It's the agony of waiting for a response as you reread what you just said.

It's social media adding to it and making it ten times worse.
It's never being able to just simply view or like a share, because you're convinced it means something more.

Anxiety tells you that they're ignoring you on purpose.
That they're going to leave you, because they're mad at you.

Anxiety is believing lies made up in your own head.

It's the weight lifted off of your shoulders after they respond, but you still worry.

It's wondering at any moment, "are they going to change their mind about me?"
It's playing out that scene in your head, just so you can try and prepare yourself for what you would say.

It's finally getting into a relationship but you're fearful of it ending, even though it just started.

Anxiety is pushing people away because you think it's for their own good.

It's being everywhere on time and needing your partner to be the same way.
It's wanting things to go according to the original plan, and getting upset when it doesn't.

It's messing up and making a mistake and immediately assuming they're going to break up with you.

It's standing in a crowded room next to him as you meet his friends, and all you want is for them to like you.

Anxiety is explaining to your partner, "this is what I thought, it's completely illogical, I know, but I just need you to tell me that we're okay."

It's needing constant reassurance.

But it's also the fear of letting someone get close enough to see that side of you because you've always been strong for yourself and you fear vulnerability.

It's that overly harsh voice in your head that's always on repeat.
Even when they compliment you, you don't believe it at first.
And they don't understand why you don't see yourself the way they do.
But there's something so beautiful about teaching someone to see themselves through your eyes.

Anxiety is the beauty and appreciation of someone really knowing you and accepting you because you still struggle to accept yourself.

It takes a rare person to love someone with anxiety and it's not always that easy.
But if you can figure out how to, you'll receive a love that is unconditional.
You'll be with someone who truly appreciates and accepts you.
You'll hear thank you too often and I love you even more.
It'll be a love that tests you and challenges you, but it'll make you realize some people are entirely worth it.




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