Skip to main content

My Insecurities Will Not Define Me

To my marked up, overly pale, beautiful body,
You are never given enough credit or complimented enough for how incredibly beautiful you are. Every day, in front of the mirror, my eyes look at you in disgust. My eyes notice the stretch marks hidden under the waistband of my favorite jeans, the bumps that cover my arms, the rosy cheeks hidden under all the makeup and bulges of skin here and there.
While I shouldn't be ashamed of these features, years of torment and bullying from people have convinced me otherwise. I no longer embrace my body, because I've been taught that it isn't a body worth embracing.
Growing up I've always been more flawed than the other girls. It comes with the territory of having eczema and keratosis pilaris. Basically just two fancy terms for really awful, chronic skin diseases. People always noticed. I was that girl; the girl with the bleeding, sore patches of skin, the girl with the eyelids that barely opened from being so dry, the girl that always tried to hide her body.
Pinterest is full of workouts to create an hourglass figure or to help the butt stay rounder. There are diet pills and magazines promoting exercise that my eyes catch on my way through the store every week. Society has convinced me that the only way to feel sexy and confident, is if I have that perfect figure all the guys want. I've never been the girl to be noticed for my appearance, so after a while, I kind of just started to give up.
I am guilty of trying to make you better, but not in the right ways. But don't feel alone, I am sure everyone is guilty of disliking some part of their body as well. You are not as ugly as I have made you sound. I know I look at you with judgmental eyes and I pull at the areas of you I am not fond of, and I am sorry. Over time I have realized that society is attempting to tell women how they should look and just because I don't fall into what society wants, it doesn't make me ugly; instead, it makes society ugly.
You are everything to me. Without you I would not be who I am today or even look remotely the same. I would be a soul, fluttering around the universe with no body to care for. I am sorry that I have not cared enough for you. I am sorry that when I look at you I see disgust rather than beauty. I am sorry that I have starved you and also have fed you with too many sweets. I am sorry that I haven't been more thankful to have you or more confident in you. From now on I am going to try my hardest to see you for being beautiful.
You are what makes me, me.
It's time I start loving and accepting all the parts of you. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Open Letter To My Mentor

Dear Dennis, You.  You are the reason I'm still standing tall and making it through high school. Without you, I wouldn't be on the path I am on right now. You embraced me and took me under your wing freshman year, and our relationship quickly grew from there. Whether it was seeking answers to my multitude of questions in any of my English classes over the years, to seeking advice when it came to everything else, you never backed down and always managed to see me through to the other side.  Your room became a safe haven for me. A place where I could go and complain about my school work until I sucked it up and got it done. A place where we both exchanged many laughs and tears. A place where sometimes the only thing filling the air was silence.  You're so taken for granted by everyone. The way you intertwine your passion for literature and love of teaching is something amazing, and something I hope to have one day. You put your all into what you do fo...
Post a Comment
Read more

To The Girl Who Loves Too Hard

I'm sorry. You had to learn from an early age what a broken heart feels like and what that exactly meant. And because you love just a little harder than everyone else, you felt the world stop spinning when you got your heart broken. You have so much love to give and you dive into relationships heart first. You are entirely committed from the start and are fiercely loyal. You give up so much, just to see the other person smile. But the secret is, you don't love too hard. You expect the same love that you give. And maybe the world is just too sad of a place to give out that kind of love, and you're just a blessing that somehow slipped through the cracks of heaven. You go through life giving so much, you quickly burn yourself out when you don't receive any of it back. And then you wonder if maybe you're just too hard to love. You wonder if you aren't meant to be with anyone. You wonder if no one out there can always make you feel the way you ...
Post a Comment
Read more

An Open Letter To My Teacher

Dear Tess, While I've had many teachers throughout my life, none have brought as much meaning to my life as you have. Even though you aren't technically one of my teachers, you still manage to give me a life lesson every now and then, and for that, I'll always be grateful. You've taught me what it means to be a Christian. You're the one. The one who brought me back to my faith. The one who was persistent and showed compassion on me, even if I didn't deserve it. The one who made me step back and realize what a woman who loves God looks like. And I wanted to be just like you. Reaching out to me after the whirlwind year I went through, I didn't think much of your invitation. No way could I face God after what he put me through, but you showed and taught me what a loving God he is. He always has a purpose and will never leave one of his children in a time of need.  You've taught me what a woman is. I'm in such awe of you. The way you carr...
Post a Comment
Read more