If A Tree Falls In A Forest..

Emotions are hard, and often times messy.

Everyone has them, but sometimes they don't want to show them.

Most people are taught that to make it through life untouched, you have to be resilient and brave. You have to learn from early age how not to let words hurt and affect you. You have to learn how to not feel.

I was taught from an early age how to be self-reliant and depend on no one but myself. I was told to keep my problems to myself, because people didn't really want to hear them.

And as a result, I learned from a very young age how to only cry behind a closed door, with the lights off, and without making a sound so no one heard. I learned how to fake a smile and politely nod my head. I learned how to turn off my real emotions and turn on the ones people would rather see.

And since then, never have I felt so alone at times in a crowded room. Feeling like no one could possibly understand my pain and struggles and relate.

 I still feel that way.

And I still know how to hide it.

I know how to hide my emotions, going through the day with a smile on my face acting like everything is okay.

Because deep down, I still believe people don't really want or need to hear it.

It's my weight to bear, not anyone else's. So there's no point in telling anyone.

It's easier to pretend like everything is okay, than actually saying what's wrong. I just put on a smile and laugh, pretending that whatever has pained me never even happened.

So I sit back and watch people instead. I watch how they stand and carry themselves. I watch their faces and study their looks and expressions. I watch how they interact with the other people in the room, secretly hoping that's their true emotions coming forth.

I get people like that. The ones who are quiet, reserved, and poised. I get them, because I was them.

And I envy the people who have always been bold, courageous, and outspoken. The people who can walk into a room and have every eye turn on them because they can just captivate everyone's attention without even knowing it.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one was around to hear it, did it really make a sound?