Through Her Eyes

Our beginning was nothing short of a Rom-Com gone wrong. When I first learned your name all the way back in freshman year, you were just the girl who stole my very first boyfriend of 48 hours away from me. I was crushed. Devastated. I wanted nothing more than for you to disappear. Little did I know how quickly things would change. Shortly after he dumped you, I decided it would be better to form an alliance against him, rather than one another. And we instantly clicked. The two of us bonded over our mutual hatred of this boy who played us real good. But after that short lived fun died out, we slowly started going our separate ways. And then just like that, freshman year ended. I barely had three conversations with you all summer, but I never stopped thinking about our fun that we had freshman year. You had become my first real friend, and you made high school seem not so bad after all. And as fate would have it, we ended up spending first and second hour of our sophomore year, shar...

Life can make you cringe from time to time. Whether it's wrong words spoken at the totally wrong times or awkward hugs that were supposed to be handshakes. It's inevitable. You're going to have regrets in life. Things you beat yourself up over, wishing you could go back in time and do it all over. Or you wish that you could take back what you said or did, or finally say something you had been holding in. And it's hard. Feeling like you left things unsaid or broken. Feeling like you ruined everything and it could never possibly be the same. When you're alone at the end of every single day with only your thoughts, you think. You overthink until eventually the only things you can think about are the things that have  or could  go wrong. It makes you forget all the things that have or could go right. I've been here all too often. I know the pain of lying awake all night beating yourself up for something you said or did, th...

Life is a game. And in order to make it through life, you need to figure out how that game is played. But just when you think you're starting to figure out how to play, the rules get changed up on you once more. It becomes this cruel game, that makes you continue to prove your worth to everyone time and time again. It's as if all eyes are constantly on you, waiting for you to screw up, just so they can laugh and rub it in. But what do you do when even your best isn't good enough? Good enough to graduate at the top of your class. Good enough to be chosen first. Good enough to date that special someone. Good enough to feel good about yourself. Sometimes I need to remind myself that some days, my best won't be good enough. And I need to learn that it's okay. Sometimes I need to remind myself that my worth isn't defined by those around me, but by my Savior. And he thinks I am worth more than all the riches in the world. Life may be a game, b...

Emotions are hard, and often times messy. Everyone has them, but sometimes they don't want to show them. Most people are taught that to make it through life untouched, you have to be resilient and brave. You have to learn from early age how not to let words hurt and affect you. You have to learn how to not feel. I was taught from an early age how to be self-reliant and depend on no one but myself. I was told to keep my problems to myself, because people didn't really want to hear them. And as a result, I learned from a very young age how to only cry behind a closed door, with the lights off, and without making a sound so no one heard. I learned how to fake a smile and politely nod my head. I learned how to turn off my real emotions and turn on the ones people would rather see. And since then, never have I felt so alone at times in a crowded room. Feeling like no one could possibly understand my pain and struggles and relate.  I still feel that way. ...

You will never think that it's the last time. That you'll always have another chance. One more time to say how you really feel. One more time to kiss the person you care so much about. One more time to do all the things you said you would do the next time. But that's not how life works. Nor will it ever work that way. When it comes down to the end, we're all going to be begging for just a little bit more. And oh how it hurts. I get it. I've been  there. The pain that comes from not having as much time as you thought is sometimes so unbearable you don't think you can possibly take one step forward, but you manage to somehow fall three steps back. Life is full of chances and choices. It's what you do with those things that end up shaping your own life, and the life of those around you. See, for every chance you are given in life, there is a choice that needs to be made with it. And it's what's you choose, that either makes or brea...

Life is scary and messy. You were thrown into this world, forced to make the most of it, without any warning or any guide. If only there was a rule book, oh how much easier things would be. But I think sometimes people have it wrong. Life is so scary, but not living scares me even more. And I believe there can be beautiful kinds of messes. People apologize for being a mess and not having it all together but, there's always good kinds of messes all around. Messy lipstick from sloppy kisses, messy hair from careless fingers running through that hair you can't help resist smelling and playing with, messy laughs from awkward moments made with special people, messy hearts from complicated lives.  People always find a way to get tangled up with one another and it is always messy, but it is so very beautiful.  Since when did being a mess become a bad thing? Because to me, it's proof that you're out making the most of your life. Sure it's not going to be...

It's hard, I know. Staying strong seems like an impossible thing to do in that moment. It feels as though the world around you started spinning the other way. But hear me and believe me when I say it; Giving up is never, ever the answer. Navigating any relationship is tricky business, but trying to make your way through a relationship that has every reason to fail is a whole different story. But, if you aren't in your corner fighting for it to work, then who is? Your relationship needs no one's validation but your own. Your relationship needs no one's approval but your own. Taking that first step across the threshold from friends to more is exciting and refreshing. Living in the moment and making memories inside that bubble you two had created is priceless. But when the bubble bursts and the excitement fades like it eventually will, what happens next? What do you do when you're flooded with a multitude of people, each one having a different ...